No One Puts Baby In The Corner!

My Life As a baby………..

At some point, after my children were born, I became fascinated with birth order.  I took noticed of the differences between my daughters early on, and wondered how they could be so completely different, even though I used the same parenting techniques.

Eventually, I began to contemplate the relationship between my siblings and I with respect to our birth order.

Sometime during my mid forties, I stumbled upon a book called, “The Birth order Book,” by Dr. Kevin Leman.  I snatched that sucker up like it was the last one on the shelf.  It might be the best book I’ve ever read and, up until then, I only read mysteries.

I don’t know what it’s like to be an only child, the oldest, or the middle child, but I do know what it’s like to be the baby.

Not just the baby but, the baby of eight.

I can’t speak for every baby out there but I am positive most of us will have similar stories.

Growing up “the baby” has been a benefit and an annoyance.

My seven older sibs love to remind me, to this day, that I am the baby.

I’m 55 and still the baby.

Actually, I think they revel in this little fact and repeat it often, and lovingly ………….. along with a little harmless sarcasm.

When I was young, maybe even throughout my 20’s and possibly into my 30’s, it’s no doubt they thought it a covetable position in the family.

They would know after all.   They each had been the baby in our family at some point, only to be “dethroned.”  🙁

As disturbing as this might have been for each one of them, I can’t help but think the more traumatic scenario is that of the oldest.  Think about it …….        They are the ONLY child for a time, yielding a copious amount of attention, and the center of everything and everyone.

Ultimately ……. “dethroned.”

Only Child Fun Fact:  They tend to be critical and more than a bit self-centered. This actually helps the only child become more confident and articulate.

But, I’m not writing this to take up my siblings plight or defend their grievances, this is about me.  “The Baby!”

Being the youngest has some definite  drawbacks.

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• There was, and to some extent still is, a pecking order –  I got teased a lot, even if affectionately.
• There is a rigid chain of information – First to last.  I’m usually the last to know anything and everything.  (I guess there is an element of practicality involved when it comes to this as it does ensure that no one, in such a large family, gets left out of the information chain.)
• The parents are tired– Being the baby of eight means that my parents were older when they had me.  They were all tuckered out by the time they thought it was a good idea to have another!  (I won’t even get into schooling. I could probably count on one hand how many times I was asked if I had finished my homework and I’m sure they were probably just praying that I would graduate.  Truth be known, that might have been a closer call than anyone knows.)
• I had to sport my older sisters hand-me-downs –  Most likely, all of us had to wear hand-me-downs but, I’m sure I had it much worse. 🙂

The term "hand-me-down" ("reach-me-down") originates from the 1800's.  Ready-made clothes were stacked on shelves along a wall, high to the ceiling, and the proprietor would climb a sliding ladder to hand them down to the customer.

The used clothing wasn’t such a big deal when I attended catholic grade school because my outfit was  predetermined every day.  The only clothing choice I made in the morning was the color of socks I wanted to wear with my navy skirt and white blouse.

But ……… once I talked my parents into letting me transition to public school for 7th grade, those 3 year-old hand-me-downs weren’t so cool anymore.  Not only were they out of style but, most of the time they didn’t fit my body quite right.

• Then there were all the times that something exciting was happening –  I wouldn’t be allowed to stay up.  Off to bed for “the baby” …….
• Even though I kept getting older, it seemed as if I was never old enough – I remember many times when my siblings would be home from college, for a holiday weekend or just a visit, and after dinner they would make plans to go out.  I wasn’t a “baby” anymore but, I wasn’t 21 either ……….

Firstborn Fun Fact:  Anything firstborns do is a big deal and this attention encourages them to achieve.  Over 64% of US presidents have been firstborns or functional firstborns.

As you can imagine from my complaints, growing up the baby of a large family wasn’t always the greatest.  I spent a lot of time studying every move my siblings made and making mental notes for future reference.  Not only was I was trying to figure out where I fit in to this rambunctious brood but  I was, in fact, learning what not to do!

Middleborn Fun Fact:  Middle children tend to be the most well-adjusted in the family.  They also tend to be the ones, most likely, to move away from the family, parents or siblings.

Injustice aside, I completely adore all of them and have tried my best to emulate each one of them at different times in my life.  After all, they are a fierce group.

How fierce?

Collectively, they have the firepower of ……….. well, FIRE.

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Qualities of fire: 

• luminous appearance, such as a star
• brilliance, as of a gem
• burning passion, excitement or enthusiasm
• liveliness of imagination
• strength, as of an adult beverage
  

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They are accomplished, energetic, athletic, savvy, along with compassionate, patient and understanding.

They are lawyers, PhD’s, artists, business owners, therapists, color specialists, life-long competitive runners, authors, contractors and benefactors.

Seriously?  How is anyone supposed to follow that lineup?

Baby Fun Fact:  Babies of the family are very perceptive and learn at a very early age they have superstars ahead of them.

I  sometimes joke, by the time I was born, there wasn’t much left to pull from the gene pool.  All the high cheekbones and stellar IQ’s were taken!

But, before you start weeping uncontrollably over my misfortune, I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge all the benefits.

What were those perks, you ask?

As I was growing up, I always felt as if I was missing out, or was being left out but, in reality, I was taking in a wealth of knowledge that aided me in one way or another throughout my life.

I have never been very good at making friends and I think, in large part, it was due to the fact that I always had siblings to rely on for the emotional support I needed.  My siblings were my best friends.

They were surrogate parents and they protected me as such.

 

 

 

 

 

 

•                                                                                                                                                      There was always someone around to “luv” on me.

They gave me babysitting jobs before I was able to have a “real” job.

They employed me as house sitters, painters, and a brother hired me one summer to make “cold calls” for his business.

They gave me rides to places when I wasn’t old enough to drive.

They let me borrow their cars once I could drive.

They bought me beer before I was able to drink.  Oops, that was supposed to be a secret ……

I also received invaluable advice from all of my older siblings as I was raising my children.  I became an Aunt four times over by the time I was ten, so I benefitted from their experience and insight.

Birth order marriage Fun Fact:  Most psychologists agree that firstborns or only children and lastborns make the best match.  Next is the combination of middle children and lastborns.  The worst matches are that of the baby and another baby.  Also challenging is a firstborn or only with another of the same birth order.

When I was a newly married and became a parent, I used to call most of them on a weekly basis.  I’m sure they became weary of the questions and  the idle chit-chat that I wanted to engage in on a Friday night.  They all put up with the calls and never let on to me that I was being their pestering baby sister.

 

 

 

Growing up with such successful siblings meant I always had a place to stay or a place to vacation, benefitting from their generosity.

I always had someone I could depend on when I needed advice or a shoulder to cry on.

They have seen me through my stupid mistakes and some quite devastating events.

Certainly …………….. I drew the longest straw.

They never put “Baby” in the corner, they made it easier for her shine!

“Think about and meditate on things you are thankful for.  More importantly, think about people you are thankful for and why.”                                                         –  Dr. Kevin Lehman

xoxo, Katy